An aside about Finneytown (Or as known to Nathanael, "The Compound")

This summer class has been instructive in more ways than one.

I have long since come to terms with the fact that Finneytown ill prepared me to handle college. Not, per se, in the rigor of the classes. Although I occasionally wish that we had learned far more in AP Calc than we actually did, I don't think any major disservice was done to me outside of the math department. Rather, my problem is that being a big fish in a small pond, I cultivated a fatal personality flaw that despite my (and college's) best efforts, I have yet to entirely rid myself of.

There was not a single class at Finneytown that seriously challenged me, or even when there were some challenges, I was always on top (or close enough to the top) of the pile of fellow sufferers. Unconsciously, I began to think that I could handle any subject without back breaking, mind-numbing, hours upon hours amount of studying. Not that I didn't do all of my homework, and not that I never studied. I just never, ever, had to shut myself in my room, for example, and study like there was a shotgun to my temple. This was especially bad if I already had a healthy start in the subject, and AP US History really exacerbated my arrogance and my complacency. I did so well on the tests, I practically stopped doing the homework. I studied for the AP test for about a half hour, and still got a 5. It wouldn't have been so bad if all of my other classmates found it as easy as I did, but everyone else regarded that class as death on wheels. So the fact that I cruised through it just by the sheer force of my own knowledge of the subject reinforced my self image as some sort of savant.

As a result, I still have this nagging, unconscious expectation that I can kick everybody's ass in every topic. This is so blatantly false, it's disgusting. But ridding myself of this expectation has been difficult. And Probability Theory really drove the point home. I have learned practically all of what we're covering on a much more shallow level in previous classes: The theoretical components, the proof components, and hell, even the sheer number crunching aspect to it, I've done it all. Therefore, I expected to waltz into the class with a sizable advantage over my peers, and to some degree, that's been borne out by the midterm. A more honest assessment though, is that I'm underperforming. There's no reason I shouldn't get a 100% on everything, except that its hard for me to listen to this guy explain things I already know. Very well. The catch lies when he turns around and gives us extremely difficult and challenging problems, and I have to fight myself at every turn and resist the urge to breeze through these problems like I'm the Rain Man. The truth is that I'm not, and if I really want to show how smart I am, I have to stop being so sloppy and behave more like Cece Murch or the 40 year old Chinese engineer who sits in the front of the class and peppers the professor with questions. Intuition and ability is great, but discipline must carry the day.

This class is an amazing opportunity. It's challenging, rigorous, and it gives me a chance to show my stuff. I have to step up and show that I really am all that and a bag of worms, even in a bigger pond.